Saturday, June 9, 2012

All that and a lot of fat

I'm so fat. It's ridiculous.

My mom doesn't understand why I get stared at so much when we're out in public. We used to blame it on my bright pink hair or the crazy outfits that I wore... but lately I've looked miserably normal. Normal hair, normal clothes.. still they stare.

I know why they stare.

No. Not the outfit... it was legit in that situation. Not the pissed off look either. The fat.

I did well with weight loss for about a month or two in the beginning of the year.. but my buddy quit on me and I just didn't have the motivation to force myself to do it alone.

Breathing is hard. Walking is hard. Everything is hard...and I don't want to die. I'm not being dramatic, I'm being serious. I really don't want to die. E needs me.

Well.. I'm taking control of this. I'm going to lose weight.. and I'm going to do it on my terms. I'm going to flop around until I can do a proper exercise. I'm going to eat cleaner and I'm going to cheat when I want to... but I WILL DO THIS.

I have to.
For E.
For me.

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